Rainbows

I originally posted this on June 2012.  Please enjoy a quick snippet from my past.

Petra

 

Image result for rainbows

 

Rainbows are special.  There is a feeling of fanciful-ness when one sees a rainbow.  I realize we should feel hopeful every time we see a rainbow, for that was the intent the Lord had for rainbows.  When do rainbows “appear” ?  Every time it rains, right?  But what if it rains and we see no rainbow.  Does it mean there is none?  No, it just means we aren’t looking.  

I believe this to be true in our lives, too.  The Lord sends the rain in our lives, whether it is in the form of  a gentle rain to water our thirsty souls, or a thunderstorm to clear away all the dirt and grime that has accumulated in the dark recesses of our souls.  But no matter the reason the rain comes, there is always hope in the form of a rainbow.  All we need to do is look for it.  And sometimes, in order to see it, we just need to open our eyes! 

I have had rain come into my life many times. In the last five years I have felt, at times, that I might drown. But I haven’t. Sometimes the rain seemed to pelt me to the point I wish I would drown. Yes, I went through clinical depression. But somehow, there was always a ray of light that kept me afloat. A ray of light that kept me going to the next day. Sometimes I would have to squint through tears to find the rainbow, but it was always there.

A few things I have learned:
I know from experience that rainbows are there in the midst of the storm, and I am starting to look more carefully for the rainbows before I give up for lost. 

Blessings can come in many forms, from the smile of a stranger to a conversation with an unlikely friend to a hug from a co-worker. It can be in the form of music, a novel, or even a scene from a movie. It can come up from behind, from way out in front where someone turns to you, or from right next to you, possibly someone you have taken for granted.


The Lord is always the One to be praised for the rainbow, no matter what the form. 


Today is a new day!  My heart is full. My heart is decisive. My heart is broken. During this new season of blogging I have purposed that this will be about YOU, the reader. I am determined to share with you my heart, tips, advice, and lots of love and hugs. The reason? I am determined to bring hope to the hurting. Encouragement to the discouraged. Loved to those who feel unloved. I want to fulfill what I believe to be God’s purpose for my life.


I have been through many storms. Some are known, some are unknown. But I have found a little ray of sunshine in each storm and I want you to be able to see your rainbows as well. My hope and prayer is that you will find Hope for your Journey just as I have.


Prayers and blessings,

Petra

No More

My son turned twenty-five yesterday. I mourned. Yes, I was reduced to sobs in the middle of the night.

Why?

There will be no more birthday wishes. There will be no more gatherings of the family to celebrate life. There will be no more cake with candles. There will be no more children giggling over presents. There will be no more parties to plan. There will be no more excitement over a special gift. There will be no more teasing about the number of candles to blow out. There will be no more “remember when’s.” There will be no more crepe paper streamers to hang and remove. There will be.No.More.

You see, my son is very alive living six hundred miles away, but he may as well be on the other side of the world. He has disowned me. He has cut off contact and never wants to hear from me.

The little boy whom I held twenty-five years ago and shed tears of joy over and made my heart overflow with love, has ripped my heart in pieces, denying my very existence. His last words to me were vile and evil. They spoke of threats and revenge and promises to never allow me to see my only grand-daughter.

How does that happen? I cannot even imagine the man that my tender, sweet little boy has become. Something has overtaken him. Something has gotten hold of him and eaten away at his conscience. I don’t think it was some”thing” but some”one” that has destroyed my son. And the most difficult thing is that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Each day that I am without interaction with my son is heart-wrenching. I cry over all of the hurtful things he has said to me over the last six years. I cry for the lost little boy who cried himself to sleep in my arms because he was upset. I cry for the missed opportunities of showing him what a friendship with a mother looks like. I cry because he will never make me laugh again. I cry because he will never ask for my help. I cry over the lies he tells himself and others about me.

But the bottom line is that I cry over the fact that he is no longer my son. I mourn the death of a relationship that I will never have.  My son…Is. No. More.

 

Too much pain

                                           Image result for broken heart

My heart is hurting for so many women around me right now.

There are women who are struggling with depression, having no one to turn to for consolation. They struggle every day just to get out of bed and get to work. They hide behind a pasted-on smile, hoping nobody asks them if they are okay; because they know at that point they would have to break down and cry. 

There are women who go to work in so much physical pain, but they cannot show it for fear of losing their jobs. They have mouths to feed and bills to pay, and these women know that they cannot give an inch to the agony that dwells inside their muscles and bones. 

There are women who have been betrayed. Friends who claim to be allies and yet turn and slander their characters on social media or in the workplace. These ladies have difficulty sharing so much as a cup of coffee with someone for fear of having their trust broken. 

There are women who cry themselves to sleep every night because their husbands have quit loving them. They struggle through every day facing problems that they never knew existed – death of dreams, not being able to trust another man, weighing out the cost of forgiveness. These women have been abandoned by the one person who had promised never to betray or leave them.

And there are women who hurting because of death – death of a husband, death of a child, death of an unborn child. Yes, death is final in the carnal sense, but the intense agony in living while your loved one is not…this is a pain I can never imagine. 

So, all of this said, I will repeat…My heart aches for these women. I want to help. And if the only way I can help is by letting each one know that you have a friend, a listening ear, encouraging words, I would be honored to help.

And as a friend recently reminded me, If all I can do is pray, then that is the absolute BEST thing I can do!

This blog is going to be one way I can reach out to women. I believe I have been called to write, and write I shall! The Lord impressed upon me recently that if I can only reach one person, that is enough. I hope to be a light in the midst of your darkness. I have had my share of struggles, and I will share some of those with you on this new journey. Hopefully we will all gain a new understanding of what it means to share in each others joys and sorrows.

I am in the process of writing a book. It will tell a hard tale. It is my tale and I am determined that if I can get my story out there it might help someone who is hurting to see the light and get out of a painful situation.